Eating Out With Your Kids When Hell is Real

Recently, the New York Times ran a piece on a famous pastor’s son who is now a vocal ex-vangelical and a rising Tiktok star. Many have commented on the story and it’s not my intention here to weigh in on this tragic situation. God is sovereign and I pray that this man will one day have his eyes truly opened, and not remain in the sad ranks of those who achieved fame by publicly maligning the faith their fathers preached.

But there was one comment of his quoted in the article that I have been chewing on. He says, “How are you going to take your family to Outback [Steakhouse] after church while millions of people are burning alive?”

It’s the sort of “gotcha” question meant to highlight the supposed absurdity of a literal hell. “See? You can’t live consistently with this belief. You are a hypocrite to go enjoy a meal at a restaurant if you really believe in eternal suffering in hell.”

My main response to this comment would be to point out that the Christian is not unusually hypocritical to live this way – pursuing occasional wholesome recreation while millions suffer. The entire world lives this way every day. There is in fact no other way to live, in the actual sense of the word.

The fact is that this world is full of a million previews of a literal hell. Genocide. Starvation. Sexual abuse. Natural Disasters. Political violence. Abortion. Racist violence. Disease. War. Millions are suffering even as I write this and sit on my couch with a good cup of coffee. Millions are dying even as you read this line. Untold depths of anguish are taking place in the seconds it takes to verbalize the unbeliever’s “gotcha” question above.

There may be seasons of our lives where we try to alleviate the suffering of this world through burning ourselves out in a frenetic effort to rescue the suffering. Many experience a season like this in the university years. But if we are not careful, this can be the road to a kind of insanity. The weight of the suffering (and the indifference) can crush our hearts, minds, and bodies and we can end up broken, naked, and pounding the cement outside our house until we are arrested – as happened a few years ago with the founder of an American humanitarian movement that worked with African child soldiers.

We are not made to bear the suffering of the world on our shoulders. Only God can do that. We are made to respond compassionately to the suffering that God has brought into our own sphere of influence. And we are made to live whole lives. To not just respond to suffering, but to eat, to sleep, to laugh, to plant, to nurture, to work, to worship, and to recreate in all of its best forms. Those who neglect these things soon experience the cost of doing so on many levels. As one book puts it, the body keeps the score. As does the soul.

Even unbelievers find themselves living normal lives in the face of incredible contemporary suffering. But how how can they _____ when millions of Uighurs are living in concentration camps? What about the street children of Africa? Those trapped in sex slavery in South Asia? The widespread practice of honor killings and female circumcision in Central Asia? How can they just grab coffee with a friend, go to the gym, walk their dog, call their mom, or sit in that staff meeting in the face of such suffering?

The answer, even for unbelievers, is that the real presence of suffering doesn’t nullify our responsibility to live whole lives. We must somehow find a way to live healthy lives and to respond to the tragedy of human suffering. If we sacrifice wise living for the sake of alleviating others’ suffering, we will soon find that we are only adding to the suffering of this world, as our own lives and families fall apart. The only appropriate response to the ever-present suffering of this world must be a sustainable one. Responding to suffering cannot mean a continual neglect of what it means to be a human truly alive. If this is so for this world, then why would it not be so for the next?

This is not a question unique for Christians who believe in a literal hell. This is something we all must struggle with. The difference is that believers have a powerful source for living lives of sustainable sacrifice. Our God entered into our suffering, sacrificed himself, conquered suffering and death, and now indwells us. He gives us depths of compassion and love for the suffering we wouldn’t naturally have. And he is utterly sovereign, meaning we can trust him with the weight of the suffering we are unable to alleviate. I am thus empowered and freed to respond to human suffering and to take my kids out to eat after church. These things are not opposed to each other.

Life, real life, full of friendship and joy and echoes of Eden – this in the end is the most powerful way to heal this broken world. So, let’s love the suffering. By not neglecting to occasionally eat steak with the kids.

Photo by Hanxiao on Unsplash

13 thoughts on “Eating Out With Your Kids When Hell is Real

  1. Amen!! And as Christians we are able to go to God’s precious throne of grace for mercy and grace in time of need, and the prayers of the righteous have great power in its effects. The power of God and the power of prayer to Him cannot be overstated. Bringing the gospel, the Good News, ‘the power of God for salvation to those who believe’ is the most loving thing another human being can do for another.

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  2. It is interesting that the complaint is that he was taken out to eat while millions suffered in hell. But if such didn’t happen, the complaint would be that he never got to go out to eat because his family took hell too seriously.

    Either way you slice it, it’s fodder for tik tok

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  3. Good article. We are called to give, show kindness, act justly, and pray, and sometimes God calls us into difficult fields. We also are to live fully, accommodating His blessings in many ways, such as enjoying a meal out with friends or loved ones, connecting in relationships, and helping businesses to stay in business. We shine God’s glory in good times and bad times.

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  4. It’s fascinating and frustrating to see the cognitive dissonance in so many people regarding hell. After we rejected the idea that there could ever be a good reason for hell, we suddenly remembered that there is injustice in the world and we can’t just ignore it. But what to do? We can’t rely on God to right wrongs because He might not right them in the way we want, and He might see things as wrong that we don’t think are wrong, and He might end up punishing us, too…no, we can’t have that. We have to right the wrongs ourselves. And so we have the modern mob that self-righteously “fights injustice” while mocking those who believe in an unbiased, impartial, completely fair Judge who will permanently right every real wrong and whose notice not a single act of evil will escape.

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  5. This is one of the wisest pieces of writing I’ve ever read, and it wrestles eloquently with what all of us *do* wrestle with or should be wrestling with, believers and otherwise. So grateful to you for writing clearly about a struggle I have had as long as I can remember, even as a child, long before I felt the weight or the grace of God’s mercy. Keep writing.

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