I once took part in an intro to church planting class where leaders of different local church plants were invited to come in and share their wisdom. Being newly back in the US at the time, I was eager to compare notes with what I had seen in the Middle East.
Some leaders from a multicultural house-church plant visited our class one day. These leaders were also students at the seminary where I was working on my undergrad. I don’t remember much from their presentation, but one nugget of wisdom stuck with me and proved to be enormously helpful.
“Listen,” they said. “It’s awfully hard to be a working student who is faithful to your church and still find the time to reach out cross-culturally in this city. The busyness of life can make evangelistic friendships with internationals here very hard to fit in. But we have learned one very important lesson that’s made it more accessible.”
I leaned forward as they continued.
“It’s simply much more possible to live on mission when you are living next door to those you are seeking to reach. When we lived on campus, we found it much harder to find the margin to engage the lost. But when we moved into an apartment complex where many internationals lived, we couldn’t help but interact as a part of our daily routines. With intentionality, this actually led to friendships and chances to share the gospel.”
“Interesting,” I thought. I was a new student, kept very busy by my friendships with believers, my jobs, and my homework (especially NT Greek!). Yet I earnestly desired to find a few Middle Eastern friends with whom I could spend time and share the gospel. I already felt the difficulty of making this happen, living in a suburban-type neighborhood just off of campus in a duplex full of believers.
I took note of this piece of counsel and a few years later my new wife and I had the chance to put it into practice. We were given the chance to move into an apartment complex which had historically been one of the city’s main communities for refugee resettlement. This apartment complex had a reputation for crime and drugs, but after praying and both sensing God’s leading, we moved in.
The counsel I received several years previously proved to be sound. Engaging internationals missionally in America was indeed much more accessible when we lived next door to them and underneath them.
True, there were plenty of challenges. A gang of Somali youth tried to kick in our back door late one evening. The Cuban men shamelessly objectified any woman who dared walk down the sidewalk. We had to break up fist fights between Sudanese neighbors. One friend had a tooth punched out and another his phone stolen at gun point. And there were lots of roaches and bed bugs. Yep, we’ve had bed bugs. Multiple times (written with a shiver).
Yet there were also the chances to talk about Jesus late into the evening with Iraqis in their first year of living in the US. There were the Bible studies that incorporated Nepalese, American, Honduran, and Afghani friends. When many of our friends needed help, they could simply come by and knock on our door, or call us and we could rush over there – as when some Iranian friends called 911 because they couldn’t figure out how to turn off their central heating and needed help communicating clearly with the police that had for some reason shown up!
The first step of mission is access. In the ultra-busy life of the West, access to relationships with the lost is harder than it sounds. While not everyone is able to move into this kind of refugee community, it’s worth asking the question: Is there some way in which living in a different community might help me rub shoulders more often with the lost? Geography is not everything, but it’s one important piece that is worth thinking through as believers seek to live on mission.
Now, it’s certainly possible to have lost neighbors for years and to still not have any meaningful friendship with them. Prayer and intentional hospitality are key to tapping the potential that close geography provides. But after all, we are called to be a people who live prayerfully and intentionally in every area of life for the sake of the gospel.
Therefore, for some, that will mean moving for the sake of more natural access to your lost neighbors. It’s simply much more possible to live on mission when you are living next door to those you are seeking to reach.
This post is for those Christian parents in the US who have managed to make it this far in 2020 without yet getting a dog. You have bravely held out in spite of your kids’ tearful pleading, many of your friends getting puppies, and all those extra quarantine hours at home almost second-guessing your decision to go without a canine companion. Your resilience is admirable. As they say in Hobbiton, may the hair on your toes never fall off. Yet, while I commend your resilience, I will also attempt to provide a cultural-missional justification for getting a puppy – seriously – or at least why I would get one if I lived in the US.
You see, when you leave your own culture and begin to deeply study another, you can’t help but see your own culture back home in a new light. You also have no power over what kind of insights unexpectedly emerge as you, the metaphorical goldfish, get a chance to look back on the fish bowl. These insights are sometimes life-changing and other times, well, they more in the category of, “Aren’t Americans odd for never using their front doors?” Sometimes, these insights helpfully have to do with challenges believers face everywhere, such as how to share the gospel.
Living primarily in the non-Western world and traveling back occasionally, we have noticed a few things about when Americans feel its appropriate to talk to strangers. Generally, it feels like it’s harder to talk to strangers in the US than it is in many other parts of the world. The justification required for striking up a conversation with a stranger that could approach deeper things, things like Jesus, seems to be higher. Especially among the middle and upper classes, a good reason seems to be expected for the question, “Why are you talking to me?” This presents a challenge for those who want to regularly engage others with the good news, yet who also do not want to be unnecessarily rude or awkward.
The exceptions for talking to Western strangers that we have noticed are as follows:
If that stranger is pregnant. If this is the case, not only can you strike up a conversation, but many also strangely impart a flood of unrequested advice and anecdotes. I don’t necessarily recommend this, but we have certainly observed it! On the other hand, go forth and multiply.
If you have one of those amazing extrovert personalities, like my grandpa, and somehow random people just light up when you engage them. However, these charming extrovert types seem to be a small minority. If this is you, you have a gift.
If that stranger has a dog, if you have a dog, or both. If this is true, than the high wall of Western resistance to talking to strangers seems to immediately disintegrate in an unexpectedly warm camaraderie of canine appreciators.
This dynamic about dogs is truly there. If you doubt me, try it out the next time you’re at the park. Approach that intimidating total stranger who is walking their dog. Ask a few genuinely happy questions about their pooch (while asking permission to shower said canine with affection). That scary suburban scowl will immediately melt like you had just dropped a polite greeting in the tribal tongue to the grumpy village grandma. Next thing you know it, you’re being invited to marry one of the villagers – or in the American equivalent, you’ll actually be shooting the breeze with a total stranger who just might become a genuine friend.
We’ve seen this confirmed as we’ve spent the last few months in the US. Even in the midst of a pandemic, those who have dogs, walk them, and take them to dog parks are regularly involved in happy interaction with neighbors and strangers. Dogs even make Americans warm up to families with lots of small children, which aren’t always appreciated by mainstream American culture. Friends who have recently acquired dogs have confirmed that it’s been one of the best things for getting to know their neighbors.
All of this leads me to this conclusion: In America, having a friendly dog is a big win for hospitality and meeting strangers. A canine might set you back if your primary ministry is with refugees, but if you live and work primarily among mainstream middle class folk or other similar demographics, a dog is a serious tool for mission!
We live in Central Asia and so far we still sense that a dog would be more of a hindrance to knowing our neighbors than a help. Dogs are traditionally viewed as religiously unclean and dangerous, due to an unfortunate hadith (authoritative religious tradition) where the angel Gabriel tells Mohammad that he hates dogs and won’t come in the tent where young Aisha has hidden a puppy. However, the younger generation is slowly beginning to adopt more of a dog culture.
But, if I lived in America, I would get a puppy and work so that he grows up trained and friendly. Then, as a family we’d think through what stepping-stone invitation makes sense next for the acquaintances we’d make at the dog park or in the neighborhood. Even before the lock downs, Americans were starved for community and friendship – though they are slower than internationals to accept a quick offer of hospitality.
Like when we lived in the US before, we’d probably aim to invite contacts to some kind of weekly or monthly open meal or coffee/chai time at our house or a park where we bring in our relationally-gifted international friends who are believers and pros at the art of good conversation and friendship-building around food. Then with that normal rhythm of hospitality, we’d have a way to simply bless our neighbors with good food or coffee and community. And as always, with prayer and intentionality, this simple yet rare kind of gathering would lead to many gospel conversations. In the past, pairing a regular time like this with a regular Bible study happening another time of the week led to a natural next step.
So, if you’ve been on the fence about getting a dog, let me add one more point in favor of doing so. When done well, having a dog in America can make you more approachable and even more hospitable. In a culture starving for genuine friendship and community, a dog, of all things, could be exactly what God uses to help you reach your neighbors. It’s a bridge of common ground that somehow helps Americans sidestep their normal avoidance of engaging strangers. It’s no silver bullet, but it could help in one of the hardest parts of engaging the lost in busy America – finding regular and natural ways to meet and befriend strangers. Meeting can lead to hospitality which can lead to Bible study which can lead to new birth – and to eternal friendship in the resurrection.
The first phase of mission is always access. So, consider the ways a furry and slobbery friend might increase your access to the lost.
Sometimes we don’t get the chance to follow up. In God’s mysterious plan, we get the chance to share spiritual truth or give scripture to someone, only to never see them again. We might never know until eternity how their story turned out. For me, the gas canister man seems to be one of those people.
Our region of Central Asia has electricity problems. To put it mildly. So natural gas (propane/LPG) canisters of the kind you see attached to a grill are a part of daily life. We use them indoors for our stoves, for space heaters in the winter, and sometimes to power water boilers. Trucks drive around our neighborhoods with loudspeakers playing ice cream truck-style tunes. But instead of a creamy chocolatey treat, you lug out your empty bottle of gas to be exchanged and waddle back inside with your new, stinky, full bottle – that hopefully didn’t get damaged when the driver threw it off the back of the truck. Yes, make a note to pray that your friends working in Central Asia don’t get carbon monoxide poisoning.
Over time, I learned that I could better schedule my gas bottle exchange and get better quality if I drove myself to the store in the bazaar where the ‘ice cream’ trucks get loaded up. There were a couple of men working at the particular store I frequented and one of them was definitely a Salafi. In our area this is a growing religious group. They adhere to a Saudi-backed understanding of Islam that seeks to return to what they believe is an earlier, purer form of Islam. This means that they are much more severe and strict in their application of Islam than your typical Muslim would be.
Salafis are visually conspicuous, sporting shorter pants than others, shaved upper lips, scraggly chin/neck beards, and usually wearing a religious hat or turban. Unlike most of their countrymen, they often insist that their wives wear gloves and the more conservative abaya or niqab, often covering all but their eyes. Salafis usually live peacefully with others, but word on the street is that they would be the first to sympathize with extremist groups were they to take power. Due to their strict adherence to Islamic law and open condescension toward the common people, they actually provide a pretty clean parallel with the pharisees when we are studying the Bible with locals.
“You know how the Salafis act, right? Well, the Pharisees were the Salafis of Jesus’ day.”
“Oooh, now we get it!”
I have certainly been guilty of writing Salafis off as those who would not be open to the gospel.
However, through several interactions with the Salafi gas canister man, I started noticing that he was actually respectful and kind to me, an obvious foreigner and infidel. One day I had my son with me as we ran our gas errand. Something about my interaction with my son made the man compliment us.
“You’re not Muslims, are you?” He then asked.
“No, we’re not. We are believers in Jesus.”
“Oh?” He responded. “You know the Bible’s been changed, right?”
“Well, the Torah, the Psalms, and the Gospel all contain promises that God’s word remains forever. No human is strong enough to change the words of God because God is powerful to protect his word. Just like he promised.”
The Torah (Tawrat), the Psalms (Zabur), and the Gospel (Injil) are the three parts of the Bible Muslims have heard about from the Qur’an. There is a great deal of confusion though in the Muslim world about how these three “books” relate to the Christian Bible.
To my surprise, the gas canister man didn’t dismiss my response. He was actually thinking about it.
“Yes, but you believe that Jesus is the Son of God. That is blasphemy.”
“Are you not a son of the mountains?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
“Well, the title ‘Son of God’ has a very deep and important spiritual meaning. It does not have a physical-sexual meaning as many think it does. ‘Son of the mountains’ doesn’t have a physical-sexual meaning either, does it?”
“No,” He continued, still thinking about what I was saying.
“Have you ever read the Bible in your own language?” I asked.
“I haven’t,” he said.
“Well, I have one with me. If you want to learn about what I mean, you should read this book. But don’t take it unless you are one who is truly thirsty for God and a genuine seeker of the truth.”
“I… would like to read it,” he said.
I went to my glove box where we kept a New Testament just in case of opportunities like this. I handed it to him and we said goodbye. I looked forward to asking him the next time I saw him if he was reading and what he was learning. But I never saw him again.
I kept coming back to the same shop, hoping to catch a glimpse of my Salafi acquaintance. But he had disappeared. Had he gotten fired for possessing a New Testament? Had he been run off by his male relatives? Or had he simply changed jobs and thrown away the precious book I had given him?
I’ve never had any clue as to what became of this man. My prayer is that he is now, somehow and somewhere, a follower of Jesus. I don’t lose sleep over this situation, but it does make me wonder about the strange providence of God. Why would I get the chance to give this man the Bible and never get a chance to follow up? This especially since there are so few believers that can lead him into understanding the book he now possesses?
In situations like this, we must simply rest in the sovereignty of God. I was allowed to play a small part in the life of the gas canister man. Maybe someday our paths will cross again. Maybe not. But we rest in the truth of John 10:16, that Jesus’ sheep will hear his voice. We get the privilege to be a small part of that story, whether we sow, whether we water, whether we reap.
If you read this post, pray for the salvation of the Salafi gas canister man.
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Two international churches in our region are in need of pastors, one needs a lead pastor and one an associate pastor. Our kids’ TCK school is also in need of a math and a science teacher for middle school and high school. If you have a good lead, shoot me a note here.
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Last week I wrote about learning culture in order to illustrate the truth of God’s word. When it comes to the risky area of illustrating with, or building bridges with, Islam, we should affirm that some bridges do exist in Islamic theology, history, and culture that can help Muslims understand Christian concepts that Islam itself rejects. J. Nelson Jennings proposes that Christians should view other religions as being like a three-legged stool:
“the three legs represent sin, Satan, and searching… one must not view Islam as simply sinful and Satanic. Similarly, one must not view Islam simply as Muslims searching for (and perhaps adhering to) the truth. Islam, like all religious traditions, evidences morally sinful, deceptively Satanic, and genuinely searching (and true) aspects.”
I find this metaphor to be very well-balanced (pun intended). We need to acknowledge the reality that so many Muslims are sincere in their error, zealous for the law as it were, alongside the fact that Islam itself is a Satanic system of deception which empowers the sinful nature. This doesn’t open the door at all to Islam being a way of salvation, but still acknowledges that many Muslims are indeed searching for truth – no surprise given that Islam has inherited so much Judeo-Christian content, albeit by co-opting it for its own narrative.
It is with the aspect of Islam which is genuinely searching that bridges can prove to be helpful, rather than harmful. In building bridges, one seeks to illustrate the truthfulness of a doctrine by demonstrating that the hearer already adheres to an analogous or similar belief to that which they are currently rejecting. Put another way, building bridges is an attempt to seek those truth categories that already exist in a religion or a person’s mind and to link those categories with biblical content in order to show that biblical content’s truthfulness, goodness, and beauty. It is category renovation rather than category creation, an attempt at moving from shadow to substance.
Source Material:
Jennings, “The Deity of Christ for Missions, World Religions, and Pluralism,” p. 270.
The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit. (John 3:8 ESV)
In the summer of 2017, I hosted an experimental English poetry group in my living room. I’ve written previously about how my Central Asian students were asked to wrestle with the messages of Herbert and Henley, among other famous English poets. Some students showed up for the English practice, but dramatically bemoaned the fact that we had to study poems. One older man came primarily to demonstrate his skill at pulling secret and hidden meanings out of poems, like so many rabbits out of a hat. When this happened, the rest of us were typically left scratching our heads and trying to graciously move the discussion on.
But one student in particular continuously responded well to the poems and questions that drove at biblical themes. His name was Aaron*, and by the end of the summer, I knew if I followed up with any of my students, it should be this guy. He showed a resonance with the humility of Herbert’s Love III, the mortality of Shelley’s Ozymandias, and the questions of missed opportunities and fate raised by Frost’s The Road Not Taken. But after our poetry group disbanded and normal English classes began again, Aaron disappeared. Still, I waited and wondered what might come of the stirrings I thought I saw in his eyes when we had discussed poems like The Universe As Primal Scream. Could the Spirit be working in his heart, preparing him to keep following these themes into a study of the Bible?
One year later, Aaron unexpectedly reappeared. He was a student in one of my colleague’s classes, but he mentioned how much he had enjoyed the poetry cohort the year before. He invited me to spend time with him and his group of friends. Eager to see if my sense of Aaron’s spiritual sensitivity was accurate, I readily agreed on the plan. I wondered if he had been chewing on some of the topics we had discussed in the months that had passed since our poetry group disbanded.
Not long into the visit, however, I was disappointed. Aaron and his two college friends were very kind and hospitable, but just didn’t seem to want to take the conversation in more serious directions whenever I tried to do so. The conversation was fun and pleasant, but not what I was hoping it would be. I wondered if we were just hanging out so that they could sharpen their English skills, nothing more. As I had done so many times before, I prayed. “Lord, if you will turn the conversation and open the door, I will step through it.” The evening hours passed, we grilled chicken, ate sunflower seeds, and enjoyed the cool air of Aaron’s family’s picnic house (nestled into a cooler neighboring valley). But the conversation about spiritual things wasn’t happening.
I had already given up the evening as lost regarding gospel conversation when we transitioned inside because the night was getting chilly. Some nights, you just trust in the sovereignty of God that the relationship-building will somehow be a part of eventual fruit, even if you didn’t get to share much truth. Then, out of nowhere, sometime around 12:30 a.m., Aaron’s friends started talking about the things in Islam that really frustrated them. Aaron joined in, though not as enthusiastically as his friends. They asked me my opinion about the topics they were discussing and what exactly it was that I believed. I quickly tried to rally my thoughts. Here, unexpectedly, was the open door.
I remember sharing with Aaron and his friends in detail about the difference between gospel and religion, a major theme when I find myself sharing with Muslims. Whereas Islam and all other religions promise salvation if you’ve done good enough and your good has outweighed your bad, the good news of Jesus promises salvation based on what Jesus has already accomplished for us in his death and resurrection. It is the contrast of a paycheck vs. a gift, a contract vs. a covenant, an employee vs. a son, a conditional salvation vs. a salvation safe and guaranteed by God’s own promise of pardon.
As I dug into these topics, I noticed that Aaron wasn’t really interested. Maybe I had misjudged what was going on in his heart – it would certainly not be the first time that had happened. Aaron’s second friend, by this point, had actually fallen asleep. Too much chicken and not enough chai. But the other young man, Darius*, was sitting, mouth wide open and eyes transfixed. He was tracking every single word I said. I started focusing more on Darius, sharing more and more aspects of the gospel and what it means to be a follower of Jesus. He had very few questions, but it was clear the wheels of his mind were turning. Later, Darius shared with me that he knew that evening that his search was over. God had confirmed in his heart that whatever this following Jesus thing meant, he needed to do it.
We hung out several times more, but Aaron and the second friend slowly drifted away, while Darius kept coming back for more and more conversation. He started visiting our fledgling church plant and again sat mouth agape, stunned by this small circle of locals and foreigners worshiping Jesus together and studying the Word.
Trying to discern how the Holy Spirit is moving is a tricky business, not unlike trying to see the wind. The man I was so convinced was the one being drawn was actually not interested at the end of the day. But his best friend was. At some point around 1 a.m., at a picnic house in the mountains, the Holy Spirit landed in power and arrested Darius where he sat, munching on sunflower seeds. I’m not sure at what point exactly he came to faith, but a few months later, it was crystal clear. Darius was a new creation. God saved the guy next to the guy that I was focused on. Maybe the whole poetry group a year before was just so that I would get the chance to meet Darius. How strange and wonderful.
Darius continues to grow in his faith to this day.
The Western Church faces a growing challenge and opportunity. Our cities, once culturally Christian and populated by people more-or-less similar to us, are now inundated with immigrants and refugees, many of whom are Muslims from the Middle East. For example, any major American metro area is likely to have at least several thousand new residents who are Arab, Persian, Turkish, Kurdish, Somali, or of other Middle Eastern ethnicity. The cultural distance between these newcomers and North Americans is not to be understated. Yet the same gospel which compels us to send missionaries to the Middle East also compels us to reach the Middle-Easterners who are now our neighbors. How then can the Church be equipped to practically reach out so that evangelistic conversations and relationships can take place, and so that Middle-Easterners can repent and believe in Jesus Christ? Equipping the Church in good hospitality is one way to make a major impact in reaching local Middle-Easterners with the gospel.
Why hospitality? Modern Westerners are generally weak in hospitality compared to many other cultures. Conversely, in the culture and worldview of a Middle-Easterner, hospitality remains an extremely important value. Often Middle-Eastern families live for years in Western nations without ever being invited into a Western home. If a Westerner were to not only host a Middle- Easterner, but host them well, this would make a major impact and open the door wide for friendship and spiritual conversation. But not only is good hospitality strategic, it is also biblical. Let us remember that Jesus himself ate meals with sinners and Pharisees (Matt 7, Luke 19). In these settings, while eating together, he shared powerful truth about the kingdom of God. We ourselves are commanded in Hebrews, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Heb 13:2).
Important Gospel and Culture Disclaimer
Before we begin with some basic cultural guidelines, we should acknowledge that these rules are not meant to be unbending laws that Christians must follow or else be doomed to fail in their evangelistic outreach. They are meant to equip, not to paralyze. We should expect to commit cultural blunders. Often our friends will graciously ignore these blunders, will be understanding, and will give us the benefit of the doubt. Genuine love covers a multitude of cultural faux pas. Follow these rules with freedom and trust in God. Do not trust in your cultural expertise or lack thereof. Your friends’ salvation is in God’s hands and only possible through his power. Under-gird all of your cultural efforts with believing prayer and earnestly seek to love your guests through honoring their culture (Rom 12:10).
Keeping this perspective in mind, the following are some basic guidelines to follow when hosting a Middle-Easterner.
Culture and Values
At the values level, Middle Easterners strive to be above reproach in their hospitality and generosity. The opposite attributes of being inhospitable or stingy are shameful and to be avoided at all costs. When hosting friends from the Middle East, generosity, warmth, gratitude, and attentiveness are important ways to communicate love. Keep in mind that some aspects of American culture, specifically our casual “make yourself at home” hospitality and valuing of frugality, can actually be offensive and rude in Middle Eastern culture. Strive to be a host who is generous, welcoming, thoughtful, intentional, and joyful. If these things characterize your hospitality, you will do well.
The Invitation
In many Middle-Eastern cultures it is very appropriate to invite someone to your home at the first meeting or anytime afterward. An Afghan proverb states that “the first day we are friends, the second day we are brothers.” Middle Easterners extend hospitality quickly and can throw themselves into deep friendships quickly. Sometimes your friend will decline your invitation the first time in order to avoid the appearance of taking advantage of you. Kindly press your friend and usually they will happily relent, realizing that you truly do want them to come and are not merely being polite. Be sure to communicate how honored and happy you would be to have them in your home.
Clothing
In preparing for a visit, it is wise to think through how you will dress. In Middle-Eastern culture the way you dress communicates respect for yourself and for your guest. When hosting a friend for the first time men should dress smartly. Wearing a collared shirt is a good rule of thumb. Women should dress smartly, but modestly. It’s often appropriate to wear a longer skirt, or if wearing jeans, with a longer top that covers the hips. It is also important that tops be modest and not too tight, with sleeves that go to the elbow or forearm and without revealing necklines. Women should also be careful not to have wet hair when a guest arrives, since wet hair can sometimes carry loaded cultural connotations. Wearing socks in the home, for hosts and guests, is generally more polite than being barefoot. Even if you normally wear shoes in your house, doing so while hosting might be an unnecessary (even scandalous) distraction, so it would be best to remove them.
Cleanliness
Your mother was right. A clean home really does convey respect to guests, at least if they are from the Middle East. Middle Eastern women keep their homes and especially their hosting rooms immaculate. Clean before your guests arrive and put away the clutter so common in Western living rooms. No tour of the house is expected, as in many American hosting situations, so it is OK if you are unable to clean the entire house. As long as the areas you host in are respectfully clean, you will do well.
Arrival
When your guests arrive, greet them warmly at the door. They will automatically take off their shoes. You do not need to insist that they leave them on. It is usually rude in Middle Eastern culture to wear shoes in the home. The foot and the shoe is viewed as dirty and shameful (Hence the shoes thrown at George W. Bush, the beating of dictators’ statues with shoes, etc.). It is very important that all stand when greeting and that men shake the hands of all men who arrive. Shaking with two hands by cupping your guest’s hand in both of yours is also very polite. Women can shake the hands of women who arrive, but men should avoid shaking hands with women unless they extend theirs. Women likewise should avoid shaking hands with male guests unless they initiate. Take your cues from your guests about whether they find it appropriate for members of the opposite sex to shake hands. Instead, a hand placed on the heart can substitute for a handshake. In general, stay away from hugging until a strong friendship is established.
Sometimes guests will bring a gift if it is their first time to your home. Thank them for it and set it aside, not making a huge deal out of it lest your guest be embarrassed.
Seating
Middle Eastern culture views the seat furthest from the door as the most honorable. You should invite your guests to sit in that seat, or in whichever seat is most comfortable. Often your guest will politely refuse and sit in another seat, not wanting to appear presumptuous. During the visit, watch out for unintentionally pointing the bottom of your foot at your guest. This is a shameful gesture. This can happen when Westerners (especially men) cross their legs such that one foot is resting on one knee. An easy way around this is to sit with your foot underneath the knee you would normally rest it on top of.
Food
As soon as your guest is seated it is polite to bring them a glass of juice or water. Do not ask if they would like something to drink, since in order to be polite, a Middle Easterner will often refuse a direct offer for food or drink the first time in order to not appear greedy. Without asking, simply bring it and set it before your guest. Something cold to drink (water, juice, soda), something to munch on (sunflower seeds, pistachios, cookies) and some tea are usually the normal minimum food and drink requirements for a typical Middle-Eastern visit. Once again, if you ask your Middle Eastern friend if they would like something to eat or drink, they will sometimes say no out of politeness. It is safer just to set out the food. If your friend is not hungry, they will take just a little of it. There is often nothing rude in Middle Eastern culture in drinking only a small portion of a glass or in eating only a portion of one’s plate.
As regards food and drink, Middle Easterners (and hence you as host) always err on the side of abundance and avoid having too little at all costs, even borrowing from neighbors if need be. Keep attentive to refill your guest’s cup. Again, do this without asking. If you serve a meal, remember to prepare more than can be eaten. Don’t be alarmed or insulted if your guest leaves food on their plate. This is their way of signaling that they are satisfied. Or it may just be that they’re still getting used to Western food. In order to be polite, guests will often wait for the host to be the first one to start eating and the last one to finish. Stay away from serving pork or alcohol at all times unless specifically requested by your guest. Black tea or coffee always, always follows a meal. Middle Easterners have a serious sweet tooth and typically take lots of sugar in their tea along with sweets while relaxing after a meal. But as diabetes increases in Middle Eastern populations it’s becoming polite to ask if your guest would like any sugar in their tea or coffee. In some cultures, when the host serves fruit later in the evening, this signals that the visit is drawing to a close.
If you are wondering what to prepare, it is usually a safe bet to go with a rice dish, a meat dish (again, no pork!), and a salad or vegetables. Also buy some flat bread or pita bread if you can find some at a local grocery store (or halal market – google it) and serve this along with the meal. Many Middle Eastern recipes are also available online and can be very helpful and delicious.
It is always appropriate to pray before a meal. Simply inform your guests before you begin the meal that you are going to ask God’s blessing for the meal. Do not be afraid to pray in the name of Jesus, a name most Middle Easterners greatly respect. It is highly unlikely that this will offend your guests. Many will even appreciate this and ask questions about how Christians are supposed to pray.
Conversation
Engage your guests in conversation. If you don’t know where to start, ask questions about their home country and their family. Show an interest in who they are and where they came from and make connections where you can. Doing some internet research beforehand about your guest’s home country and society can equip you with good questions which can then lead to profitable conversation. Middle Easterners are often more willing than Americans to discuss politics and religion so don’t get uncomfortable if these topics come up. At the same time, be sober-minded, tactful, and gentle when discussing sensitive issues. Many Middle Easterners have lived through terrible suffering and personal tragedy. Your willingness to listen well can be used of God to truly minister to your guest.
Beware of making direct compliments regarding clothing or jewelry as sometimes this will put an obligation on your guest to offer you the item you just complimented. Asking where they bought said item or being sure to add that it looks nice on them politely avoids implying that you want your guest to give you a certain possession. Having your hands in your pockets or your arms crossed can imply that you’re not listening to your guest. Avoid these postures if you can. Also be aware that unless you are close friends with your guest, physical affection between spouses in front of guests is not appropriate. Physical affection among those dating or engaged is never appropriate when hosting Middle Easterners.
Middle Eastern visits are long, prioritizing people over schedules. Understand that for the first few visits you will need to set aside most of the evening to focus on your guests, not trying to fit them into a one hour slot in your calendar. By giving much time to focus on your guests, you are communicating that you really value them and their friendship. To a Middle-Easterner who has been living in the West, finding a friend who will spend long amounts of time simply visiting and talking is like finding water in a thirsty land.
Children
Children are highly valued in Middle-Eastern culture and much delighted in. If you have small children or babies especially, your guests will often shower them with affection. Often, modern Middle-Eastern children are undisciplined and somewhat spoiled, so don’t be worried about your guests if your kids get a little out of hand. Your guests in fact may encourage this. Be prepared to handle the aftermath and the sugar crashes, but by all means let your children make friends with your guests. It would also be wise to think through fun and engaging kids’ activities if your guests are bringing their children.
Pets
Many Middle Eastern cultures consider cats and dogs dirty or shameful. Because of this, pets should be put outside or confined to a room when guests are present. The Western tolerance for these kinds of family pets is much lower among many Middle Easterners. This is changing among the younger generation, but it is wise to be careful. Birds, however, are a very common pet in the Middle East.
Goodbyes
It is always polite to walk your guest to the door, or even to their car. Be repeatedly expressive in your gratefulness for your guests and invite them to come again. It is often appropriate to ask to pray on the spot for your guests and many times this is received warmly among Middle Easterners. In this way Christians can be better hosts than others, through our kind intercession for our guests to our loving Father in heaven. An open home and considerate prayer can really open doors for extensive sharing of the gospel. Don’t be surprised if your friends also invite you to their home for the next get-together. Many Middle-Easterners readily enter into mutual hosting relationships, where friends and family regularly visit and host one another.
Sharing the Gospel
Strive to keep the sharing of the gospel as a much-desired result of hospitality, but not as a mandatory obligation. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, pray for open doors to speak the gospel, and by no means communicate that your hospitality or friendship is contingent on how they respond to the gospel. Jesus explicitly commands us to host those who cannot repay us (Luke 14:12-14). That means our hospitality as Christians is not an attempt to manipulate any kind of physical or spiritual return. Freely you have received, freely give.
Counter-intuitively, when we extend no-strings-attached hospitality to Middle Eastern friends, this often leads to greater spiritual receptivity and to long and fruitful conversations about Jesus. Let your sharing of the gospel be an overflow of your delight in Jesus and not religious point-scoring. Share your testimony. Hold up Jesus as beautiful and powerful and accompany the tasting of food with an invitation to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps 34:8). Share confidently, but with gentleness, respect, and love (1 Pet 3:15). Do not be surprised at initial resistance to the gospel on the part of your friend. Instead, pray and pursue more opportunities to spend time together. Genuine hospitality and friendship will lead to numerous opportunities to share the gospel clearly and compellingly.
Conclusion
Everything shared in this post comes from a desire to see Western Christians equipped to host Middle-Easterners in their homes. There will be slight variations from region to region regarding these cultural guidelines, so don’t treat these recommendations as law. Some immigrants and refugees will want to do certain things the Western way. These guidelines, however, have been checked and affirmed by many who have lived among Middle-Easterners or who are from the Middle East themselves. God willing, this information can serve as a good foundation to invite a Middle Eastern friend or family to your home. If Middle Easterners and believers begin to sit down in homes and to have meals together, much spiritual fruit can follow. As we break bread together God will give us opportunities to speak of the bread of life, the one whose body was broken for us, the one who promises that he himself will host many from the East and the West at his Father’s table (Matt 8:11, Luke 12:37).
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Sometimes we find ourselves between two opposing camps of believers. Let’s call them Gospelites and Culturites. Gospelites emphasize the crucial importance of bold gospel proclamation. They maintain that urgent and bold evangelism is far more important than studying the culture. Culturites, on the other hand, emphasize the necessity of cultural fluency in order to communicate the gospel faithfully. They insist it is crucial to know the culture in order to do gospel work well.
Gospelites might believe Culturites are slow, timid, and compromising. Culturites might believe Gospelites are naïve, brash, and unwise. I’ve had brothers tell me that I need to learn the culture and thereby “earn the right to speak,” while others balk, “Why study the culture? We’ve got Romans one!”
Gospelite or Culturite: Which Side Better Fits You?
Do we have to choose? What if we were raising up an army of laborers who are both gospel-bold and culture-wise? A right understanding of the relationship between gospel trust and cultural savvy frees us from this false choice and sets us on a powerful path for ministry.
Let Us Be Gospel-Bold
First, all our trust must be in the sufficiency of the gospel. It alone is the power of God for salvation (Rom 1:16). The gospel proclaims a holy God who saves sinful yet repentant men and women who believe in the perfect life, sacrifice, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This message is true for all people of all neighborhoods, colors, and nations. Therefore, it must be the foundation, the cornerstone, the rope we grasp for dear life in all our ministry efforts.
But if the gospel is true, we can have steadfast confidence to do the work of the ministry regardless of cultural context, from day one. We have no fear; there is nothing to keep us from speaking gospel truth to the souls of mankind. This reliance and trust in the gospel releases us to share boldly and urgently. It frees us to be creative risk takers because we don’t trust our cultural expertise – we trust the gospel, and in that there is freedom to struggle forward in ministry.
Let Us Also Be Culture-Wise
This is where some stop. But it’s our trust in the gospel alone that compels us into a diligent engagement with the culture around us. We should work harder than any in becoming culture experts because we are utterly free. Through Christ, we have been made sons and daughters of God–waiting to inherit the whole world! Sons work harder than the slaves, for they work from love, gratitude, and hope for a glorious future. It’s our freedom under the grace of Christ that enables us to enter this world not to be conformed but as those who are being transformed (Romans 12:2). Let us then strive in our cultural context in the following ways.
1. MAKE THE GOSPEL CLEAR
The deeper our understanding of a culture and a language, the greater our ability to make the gospel clear. Do not assume that your hearers clearly understand your gospel sharing just because it is clear in your mind. What if their backgrounds have infused important words like sin and repentance with wrong definitions? What if their educational, societal, or worldview background is significantly different than yours? Gospel clarity in our proclamation calls for the study of the culture of our hearers.
2. MAKE THE GOSPEL COMPELLING
Knowing the culture means we can leverage its rules to strengthen our gospel proclamation.
The gospel is the most compelling message in the universe, yet for many it is initially foolish and shameful. However, every broken culture has providentially held onto certain gospel categories, analogies, and values. Studying culture helps us to discover these divinely-implanted areas which we can use to connect and illustrate gospel truth. Perhaps there is a famous myth in the culture, a sound proverb, or a traditional custom that will provide the key to a listener hearing the gospel story as beautiful and compelling, even if they are not yet ready to say it is true. Studying culture helps us to aim for the heart.
3. SHOW HONOR AND EQUALITY
We are called to outdo one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10). Cultures differ wildly in how honor is given and received. Should we use titles or first names? What seats are considered more honorable? What kind of clothing and body language communicate respect? Whatever your posture toward culture, we want to communicate respect toward our hearers as those who are made in the image of God. We, like they, are equally under the curse of Adam and equally invited to partake in the salvation of Jesus. By studying the culture of our hearers, we communicate honor and equality, helping us to avoid a colonizing mentality. All cultures are equal at the foot of the cross where all men are called to repent and believe.
4. BREAK THE RULES OF THE CULTURE ON PURPOSE
We must know the culture in order to make intentional choices about what rules we will keep and what rules we will break in order to preach the gospel faithfully. Cultural ignorance will lead to lots of broken cultural rules on accident. But we, like Jesus in John 4 with the Samaritan woman, need to know when we are breaking the cultural rules so that we may do so with intentionality and powerful effect. My family serves in an Islamic context, and we eat pork—not significant in the United States, but transgressive in our parts. Somehow, pork always leads to a conversation about scripture and the gospel! Knowing the culture means we can leverage its rules to strengthen our gospel proclamation.
5. DO NOT BE CAPTIVES OF ANY CULTURE
Having a culture always comes with blind-spots. If we are not careful, these blind spots can enslave our hearers in other cultures to an unbiblical cultural system in need of exposure and transformation. We cannot break free from a prison we cannot see. Studying foreign cultures makes us more aware of our own background. Particularly for those of us from dominant majority cultures, let us be very careful not to allow any culture to hold our minds captive.
Free and Fluent
Should we be gospel-bold or culture-wise? Yes. Trust in the gospel alone and push hard into mastering the culture. This approach is powerful and faithful not only for overseas workers like me, but also for those doing ministry anywhere in the world. Humans always have culture. This will serve those seeking to build multiethnic congregations, those bridging rural/urban divides, those involved in racial reconciliation, those ministering to different generations, those trying to penetrate an unreached people group, and all of us struggling to grow in our own sanctification. Let us be known as a people who are radically free in the gospel and powerfully fluent in the cultures of those we strive to serve.
It was 1:00 am in Richmond, VA, 2015. I was sitting next to a young Middle Eastern immigrant, reminiscing about what we missed about his native region. This young man was in an enviable situation, one which many are in fact dying to achieve as they freeze to death in refrigerated lorries or drown in the waters of the Aegean. My friend had legal residency in the USA, was going to a good university, and had a steady job at his uncle’s Mediterranean restaurant. As we talked and sipped black tea (loaded with egregious amounts of sugar), the topic of ISIS came up. At that point they still controlled an area of the Middle East comparable to the size of many countries. While we spoke, this young man confessed to me that he watched ISIS propaganda videos and followed some of their accounts. And, in spite of everything, his heart was stirred. He still insisted that their violence did not represent true Islam, but it was clear that there was a powerful resonance in their message, one which at the very least caused some measure of internal doubt and wavering for a young Muslim with a promising future in the West.
There’s a good reason young men (and women) from all over the world joined ISIS, and continue to join it and similar groups. It has nothing to do with them being uneducated or from impoverished backgrounds, as is sometimes reported in the media. In fact, most who volunteer for jihadist groups are actually well-educated and from middle class or upper class families. Instead, many join because of a powerful understanding of history that goes like this: creation, fall, redemption, restoration.
No, I’m not speaking of that redemptive history, which begins with God’s creation of a good world, which then falls into a curse through man’s sin, a world that is redeemed through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who is now restoring all things, culminating in a new creation. That’s the original and true metanarrative, wonderfully fleshed out in the recent wave of biblical theology texts and children’s story book bibles. I am instead speaking of a diabolical hijacking of that story. It goes something like this. Creation: Long ago there was a united and just society, the Islamic Ummah. This society, established by God and led by the caliph, ruled a huge empire and ushered in an unprecedented age of justice and enlightenment. Fall: Sadly, this world was undermined by the scheming of pagan Western nations, who finally divided the Islamic Ummah and ended the caliphate at the close of WWI. The Muslims of the world have been under the curse of foreign domination and internal division ever since. They have strayed far from the teachings and lifestyle of Mohammad. Redemption: This tragic situation can be redeemed if faithful Muslims from all over the world are willing to sacrificially return to the true teachings and lifestyle of early Islam, spilling their blood in noble jihad to restore the caliphate once again. Restoration: The blood of the martyrs will lead to victory and a renewed caliphate, which will once again rule the world in righteousness and usher in the day of judgment and the resurrection of the dead. Cue the epic music and visuals and you have a very moving propaganda video, especially for those who have felt any sense of inferiority as Muslims.
What exactly does the secular West have to combat a powerful metanarrative like this? Be true to yourself? Follow your heart? YOLO? Human rights because… Nazis are bad? Story after story of Western converts to Islam contain the same line, “I found my partying and my secularism to be empty. In Islam I found meaning and purpose.” Many young Muslims, like people everywhere, want to be part of something greater than themselves. When an individualistic pursuit of pleasure or success comes up empty (and it always does), when a community experiences oppression (real or perceived), the metanarratives beckon, promising purpose, redemption, and eternal life. This is bad news for a Western world too jaded to believe in metanarratives anymore. The West pumps trillions of dollars into stopping Islamic extremism and yet only succeeds in tripling the global number of jihadist fighters. Sure, the West has better physical weaponry, but when it comes to ideology, they’ve brought their Beyonce CDs to a gun fight – at least when it comes to the radical minority that is awake to the desire for glory, honor, and immortality (Rom 2:7).
Once or twice I have tongue-in-cheek explained my job as taking potential ISIS recruits and turning them instead into Southern Baptists. No, this is not exactly what is going on, but there is a grain of truth to this playful distortion. The scriptures reveal to us the one true account of redemptive history, the authentic story of Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Restoration. We have access to the only metanarrative that can cut deeper to the heart of a young radicalized Muslim than the sermons of the late Al-Baghdadi. Sadly, as things currently stand many will never hear this true account, but only the hijacked version. As much as it is up to us, then, let us resolve that every potential jihadi recruit has the chance to hear the gospel in a language he can understand, and from the mouth of a believing friend.
“So, you go to seminary school. What’s that all about?”
There it was, the opening I had been seeking for months. Handed to me out of nowhere while I did the dishes at the restaurant sink. I blinked, then stammered, and went for it.
While in college, I had gotten a job as a delivery driver for a local branch of Jimmy Johns, the sandwich shop chain that prides itself on “freaky fast” delivery. I didn’t know how much of a cross-cultural experience I was in for. Because the area of our restaurant was full of hip bars and nightclubs, I worked mainly the nightshift, delivering sandwiches to famished partiers at the bar or those having just returned home, as long as they didn’t pass out before I made it to them. There were many quiet hospital staff deliveries as well, but also the runs where inebriated twenty-somethings requested that I toss the sandwich through their second story window and they throw the cash down. They were too drunk to make it down the stairs. My manager kept our shop temperature at near-freezing to deal with the recurring problem of the intoxicated coming in to buy a sandwich and falling asleep at one of our tables. The freezing temperature trick was actually quite effective. But I, as the only Christian working in that restaurant, did not feel very effective.
My American coworkers were all unchurched or post-Christian, most were drug users, some were alcoholics, others were LGBTQ or living with their partner. On more than one occasion, coworkers were arrested for drug possession. I, on the other hand, was a missionary kid who grew up in Melanesia, spent time in the Middle East, and was now going to the undergrad of a Southern Baptist seminary. I hung out with refugees and believers from many cultures, but I had the hardest time knowing how to connect with the younger, unchurched crowd from my “own” culture. There were many times I wished for my dad’s counsel, who had passed away many years before. He had grown up an unchurched American, was radically saved, yet never forgot how to connect with the partiers for the sake of the gospel. When I hung out with internationals, bridges to spiritual conversation seemed to overflow like the facial hair of an Assyrian monarch on an ancient stone relief. But when the topics of conversations were about parties, sleeping around, slasher movies, and hiphop artists I had never heard of, I just found myself at a loss.
Discouraged, I returned to the kinds of prayers I had lifed up many times in settings where I was insecure in my identity and didn’t know how to get to gospel conversation.
Lord, you know I want to share the gospel with my coworkers. But, I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to find a door in the conversation. But if you make one, I will step through it. I could force one, but somehow that doesn’t feel right. Would you turn the conversation? Would you help me?
I can’t remember how many times I prayed this prayer while I did the dishes, mopped the bathroom floor, or returned from another 3 a.m delivery in my beat up ’95 Honda Civic. How could I share the gospel with Middle Eastern Muslims and yet be so clueless when it came to people my own age in my own country? I kept on praying, tried to work hard, reported all my tips (much to the confusion of my supervisors), and tried to listen well. Sooner or later a door would open.
Then late one night, a slower shift than usual as I recall, a kind lesbian coworker asked me about seminary school. God had opened the door. I don’t remember much of the conversation that followed, but I know that I got a chance to speak of my faith in Jesus and my motivations for studying the Bible. My coworker must have spread the news of our strange conversation around, because it wasn’t long until some kind of switch flipped and all my coworkers started asking not only about seminary, but also about why I didn’t under-report my tips, and (scandalous!) why I was waiting until marriage to sleep with my fiancée. This final topic evoked quite a bit of interest, not unlike a team of anthropologists encountering a member of an unknown tribe for the very first time.
God had graciously opened the door, and then he kept on opening it. I got to share the gospel many times with my coworkers. They wanted to know what the Bible really said about being gay and about drugs and they even wanted to know about my experiences sharing the gospel in the Middle East. Coworkers started talking amongst themselves about their beliefs and their upbringings, even when I wasn’t involved in the conversation. They started joking that my presence alone caused everyone to start talking on cue about God and Jesus, “like some kind of #!@/ reverend of Jimmy Johns!” Through these conversations and friendships that developed we even got to set up a meeting between my pastors and a local chapter of the Gay-Straight Alliance where we were able to share extensive gospel truth.
Truth be told, I don’t know if any of my coworkers have come to faith from that strange season of sandwich delivery. My hope is that some of the seeds planted will one day sprout to life. I don’t even know that I learned much about how to connect well with my unchurched American peers. But I saw yet again how gracious God is to us when we approach him as needy evangelists, full of desire and yet just not sure how to share the gospel effectively. I still find myself often praying that prayer, most recently while meeting with a local teacher in the middle of the month of Ramadan, as we sat together in a shady green garden. He wanted to talk about politics and culture. Somehow the conversation spiraled in to rich gospel content. Just like Jimmy Johns, God had done it again.
Lord, if you will turn the conversation, if you will open the door, I will step through it...
p.s. If anyone living in areas with a strong bar scene wants to start up an evangelistic ministry, there is a great opportunity to be had once the bars close early in the morning. People are hungry, lonely, need caffeine, and want someone to talk to. I’ve heard of this kind of outreach happening in N. Ireland, where booths are set up to offer tea, coffee, food, and conversation, but not heard of anything like this yet in other countries. Once the ‘Rona dies down, could be a promising field for ministry. I’ve never felt so alone as a believer as I did in the middle of the night in the bar district. So many needy people, yet all the faithful were asleep.
I came across it again yesterday in a Facebook thread. A local Muslim was claiming that Jesus never says that he is the Son of God, but that it’s only his mistaken followers who claimed this about him. So I posted this often-overlooked verse into the discussion:
…do you say of him whom the Father consecrated and sent into the world, ‘You are blaspheming,’ because I said, ‘I am the Son of God’? (John 10:36 ESV)
There it is. This is Jesus speaking about himself. And he directly says, “I said, ‘I am the Son of God.'” I think this may be the only place in scripture where Jesus himself makes this direct and obvious a claim to the title, Son of God. Yes, there are dozens and dozens of other ways in which Jesus makes this same statement in other forms. Many of these ways are indirect, but some of them only seem indirect to us, removed as we are from the worldview of first-century Judaism.
Ironically, many Muslim apologists will reject these seemingly indirect claims to Jesus’ divinity (e.g., “the Son of man has authority to forgive sins”) when they themselves come from a culture steeped and skilled in indirect communication. It’s helpful sometimes to point out, “Listen, friend, Jesus was a Middle Easterner! He teaches like a Middle Eastern teacher, where a lot can be clearly stated indirectly” (In Middle Eastern and Central Asian cultures, a “no” even means “yes” the first couple times an invitation is extended). At the same time, as long as Muslims and others continue to repeat the line that Jesus never claimed the title Son of God for himself, John 10:36 is there. Strangely absent from many of these discussions, yes, but there nonetheless, ready for a gentle but painfully true refutation that can advance the conversation onto fertile ground.
Entrusted to the Dirt 